Funny greeting cards

Hi all,
I got this one from iitb.humour.

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1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now
that you've come into my life...
(Inside card) - I've changed my mind.

2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life...
(Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you.

3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am....
(Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me ..

4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go....
(Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably
need it again.

5. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age....
(Inside card) - Almost lifelike!

6. When we were together, you said you'd die for me...
(Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your
promise.

7. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy....
(Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was?

8. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there
was only one life jacket...
(Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often .

9. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your
birthday...
(Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep.

10. Looking back over the years that we have been together, I can't help
but wonder.....
(Inside card) - What the hell was I thinking

11. I'm so miserable without you...
(Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.

12. Thank you for being part of my life.....
(Inside card) - I never knew what evil was until I met you!

13. Congratulations on your wedding day!
(Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband.

14. How can I say this....
(Inside card) - Your cooking kills me

15. Hooray.....
(Inside card) - You're divorced.

16. I just want you to know that I'm sorry for what happened...
(Inside card) - Especially since you survived.

17. Congrats on getting married...
(Inside card) - It's not everyday you decide to ruin your life.

18. Someday I hope to marry...
(inside card) - Someone other than you.

19. We have been friends for a very long time...
(Inside card) - What do you say we stop?